Imago Relationship Therapy teaches couples that ‘They each are responsible for their own happiness’ and when this lesson is internalized in a person’s psyche, they can then begin to find happiness in their marriage. Imago tools help the couples achieve this goal. Here are some simple but wise steps, based on Imago Relationship Therapy, from my book “Relationship Magic”, that helps people start on the path towards self –discovery.
- When there is a hurtful situation you first must do whatever it takes to help you clarify what is bothering you: Go somewhere ALONE, then yell, scream, even name-call your feelings. Since you are alone you can do this again and again until you feel better and identify what it is that is bothering you. Then try this again a few hours later. Wait another few hours, write your feelings down, and when you are ready, meditate on your feelings.
- Next, do whatever you can do to clear up any disagreements by dialoguing with your partner. Remember to listen to your partner and to express yourself only by repeating (mirroring) what you have heard them say. After each “mirror”, ask them: “Is there anything else you would like to share about this topic?” When you partner has said all they have to say on the subject. THEN it is your turn. Hopefully by this point, you have heard their side of the disagreement and can feel some empathy for what they are experiencing.
- Then decide what you have to do to correct the situation and DO IT. Once you do what you have to do, your partner will probably want to correct his/her side of the equation so the two of you will not feel out of balance. But don't do it for your partner, do it for yourself. Make a commitment to yourself, and keep it.
- Acknowledge and meditation on this experience of feeling respected. Listening to yourself and your partner and by having your partner do the same is the key. Self-respect is the most important step in loving yourself and your life. When you are respectful to yourself first, you will automatically respectful of your partner. When you give yourself the understanding, the care, and the acceptance you need in order to feel good again you will be able to do the same for your partner. Practice this philosophy.
In short, steps 1 through 4 can be summed up by SAY/WRITE IT, SHARE IT, DO IT, BELIEVE IT!About the author -
Edythe Denkin, PhD, is a Certified Marriage Counselor. Her most recent book, Relationship Magic, is a set of tools in parable form for those wanting to keep or rekindle the love and communication in their relationships. Dr. Denkin understands that “Happily Ever After” does not just come naturally. It takes communication, honesty, and empathy. This book is based on her work with Imago Relationship Theory.
The host of “Catch Your Kids Doing Things Right,” a four-part television series in which she taught many of her techniques to a wide audience, she has been trained and certified as an Imago Relationship Therapist by Dr. Harville Hendrix, best-selling author of Getting The Love You Want, et al.
Edythe is also the author of Why Can’t You Catch Me Being Good?, a best-selling book from Adams Media that shows how to raise self-confident and well-behaved children.
Edythe has embraced a spiritual quest and a personal calling to help people find their childhood triggers and help them reclaim their emotional freedom and happiness.
A graduate of